Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Attention, Puny Earthlings!

We come in peace from the planet Phlegmtron-XK.

We will peacefully enslave your planet in the name of Gortex IV, our magnificent ruler and supreme being.

The blogger formerly known as your "Craig D." no longer exists!

Our invasion plans called for his doughy, mis-shapen body to be used as a breeding ground for our incubus. Specifically, his sinus cavities!

He is now a Cyborg consisting of 20% imperfect human and 80% Phlegm.

We expect a bumper crop of Phlegmites from his bloated carcass.

Then, and only then, will our invasion plans become reality and your planet will peacefully become our intergalactic slave colony. Your "Earth" will become our new Snotopia!!!

Need I say that resistance is futile?

No, I need not.

16 Comments:

Anonymous Lee said...

Hope you feel better soon!

September 12, 2007 5:12 PM  
Anonymous SCOTT said...

WOW

September 12, 2007 5:29 PM  
Blogger Gale said...

OMG! I have no reason to live. Does tissue help?

September 12, 2007 6:50 PM  
Blogger Dorky Dad said...

Oh, so that's where my wife comes from. She always told me she was born in Pennsylvania. But she has way too much snot for that.

September 13, 2007 1:12 AM  
Anonymous goretex iv said...

Attention, Earthlings!

We had come to peacfully conquer your puny planet in order to foster greater inter-gallactic understanding. That is, the sooner you understand that you are to be our slaves the more peacefull our lives will become.

We have been forced to abort this mission, however.

The meat-bag we had chosen as our incubator leads such an inspid life that our spawn failed to thrive and have now been downgraded to "lugie" status.

We will return once we have eliminated the one you Humans call "Kimberly Clark!"

We will be back, soon, to serve man!

Transmission concluded.

September 13, 2007 8:28 AM  
Blogger furiousBall said...

Sorry to hear you're sick, but good luck with the whole take over the Earth thing, we really need a change.

September 13, 2007 1:13 PM  
Blogger weatherchazer said...

Dude- I think they came to my house!

September 13, 2007 2:33 PM  
Anonymous scott said...

to serve man what.............boogers?

September 13, 2007 3:45 PM  
Blogger Gale said...

oh by the way, humans are really reversible. Just cough, come on keep it up until you turn yourself inside out. Its great fun, I tried it but bruised 3 ribs.

September 13, 2007 11:24 PM  
Blogger more cowbell said...

OK, that is just nasty. I have the sudden image of you needing an entire blanket to sneeze into.

Get Well Soon, you poor booger.

September 14, 2007 3:09 AM  
Blogger Craig D said...

scott: On Phlegmtron-XK that's what's known as soylent green. (Accent on the green!)

Everyone: Predictibly, the cold has settled in my chest. I kept waking up hacking and choking last night, so I took some of my yummy Rx cough medicine and then slept like a log.

I woke up hacking again, so I took another tsp of this medicine and the wife went to work at 8:00 for her 12 hour shift.

At about 9:00 I realized that my romance with RX cough medicine was at an end! I got nauseaus and borke out in a cold sweat. Gosh, and with only 11 more hours of Father-Daughter Day to go!

Mariel had to go potty, so I dragged my carcass off the couch to assist her. She finished up and then I puked my guts out! WOW!

This is a good thing, as the sweats have stopped, but I'm pretty wrung out.

Long story short: Could someone come over and watch Mariel for a couple hours so I can sleep this off?

Oh, dear...

September 14, 2007 11:28 AM  
Blogger whimsicalnbrainpan said...

I am so feeling your pain right now. I hate it when beathing through your nose becomes an olympic caliber sport. I hope you feel better soon.

September 14, 2007 3:00 PM  
Blogger DirkStar said...

I bet the Bengals wish they had faced these guys instead of the Browns.

He-he...

September 16, 2007 11:31 PM  
Blogger CS said...

That's the funniest description of a disgusting condition I've ever heard.

September 17, 2007 8:50 AM  
Blogger Craig D said...

cs: I'm guessing you're referring to dirk's comment about the Bengals and the Browns...

September 18, 2007 7:52 AM  
Blogger angel said...

you seem to be feeling better... and i'm so glad- i suffered a similar invasion in august!

September 24, 2007 3:25 PM  

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