Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Tagged By Dorky Dad!

Well, well, well. I've been "tagged" by dorky dad! Seems that I am now duty bound to list either six "weird things that have happened to me" or "six weird things about myself." I am unclear on this concept, but I will try to list six somethings! (Y'know, people have been known to kill over such things!)

First, the rules. Each player starts by blogging about six weird things about themselves. Those tagged must also blog the rules in their blog while tagging a half a dozen people of their own. Now, here's where I'm going to bend the rules. I am not going to foist this "monkey's paw" on anyone. If you want to voluntarily participate, swell! Post a link in the comments section. Now, onto the hilarity!

1. Naked Through Puberty! That get your attention? Good! I rode a weird bubble in the baby boom. Just before I entered 5th grade, it was decided that there was not enough room in our district's elementary schools to accommodate "my" class. The solution? Two classes, each, of fifth and sixth graders were assigned to one corridor on the third floor of Kenmore Junior High School. There were many liabilities to being a 10-year-old thrust into a building full of whacked-out teenagers, but the worst part, for me was their Phys-Ed program.

Gym class was scheduled twice a week. KJHS had a dank, slimy swimming pool and one of the two Phys-Ed days was dedicated to a full period of swimming instruction. The lack of soap and hot water in the showers was bad. The over-chlorinated, gelatinous "water" in the pool was bad. But the worst aspect of it was this: THE BOYS HAD TO TAKE SWIMMING CLASS NAKED! NO SWIM TRUNKS ALLOWED! VERBOTEN!

So from age 10 through 15 we all got to watch each other go through every stage of puberty for an hour a week. Not good.

The only "reason" for this policy was there was a concern that the fibres from the boys' swim trunks would damage the pool filter. Yeah, right. The girls were not forced to take swim class all naked. In fact, they were required to wear industrial-strength one piece bathing suits!

I can only guess that our instructors, Mr. Saliba and Mr. Harvey, were voyeuristic pedophiles of the first degree. They conducted every class fully-clothed and never once went in the pool, BTW.

2. I like grits! I was born and bred in Buffalo, NY but have been living in North Carolina for nearly nine years as of this writing. Several of the local natives find it amusing and amazing that I like grits! I even ate grits before I moved down here, folks.

"Grits remind me of cream of wheat," I explained to one such fellow.

"EEEEEEEW! You eat cream of wheat?" he replied, ashen-faced. "How do you stand it?!?!?!"

3. I don't like professional sports! I'm a guy. I'm from Buffalo, NY. I don't like sports.

Understand that Buffalo is a city where the NFL-Franchised radio station would boast about having "live updates from the Bills' training camp every fifteen minutes!" The topic of every break-room conversation would be "did you see this" and "did you see that" about "the big game."

And if it wasn't DA BILLS then it was DA SABRES (big hockey town!) And there are what, like a zillion hockey games per season.

Spare me, Lord! At least here in NC, all that NFL and NHL stuff takes a back seat to NASCAR...

Aside to dorky dad: Hey, this is brutal! Thanks for "tagging" me! It's been decades since I had such an onerous writing assignment. Oh, well, it's the way of the blog. Must not disappoint...

4. I've played at CBGBs! Oh, sure so did lots of other awesome punk-rock gods and legends. Well, turns out I'm one of them. Just sayin'... LINK

5. I don't own an iPod! I don't have one. Nuh-uh. Sorry. I also don't "text message" my friends and family on my "blue tooth."

6. I have never seen "American Idol!" Nope. Not once! I don't care about the judges panel. No, I "didn't see that guy last night." Don't care. Don't care. Don't care. I'm glad this program gives everybody else in the universe such joy, but I have never seen it and I don't plan to. (Of course, the fact that my one TV is connected to a set of crappy rabbit ears that can only reliably tune in the local PBS station might have something to do with the situation. (Oh please, oh please, oh please could somebody TiVo this for me and send me DVD-Rs of it!?!?!? I also need copies of every other "reality" show. Oh, and Judge Judy! I'm begging you!)

Whew! Sorry about getting all ugly there, folks. See what happens when I don't get to blog about crappy LPs or my daughter for a day or so?

I think I speak for us all when I say, "I need a drink!"

May God bless America!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Craig - Have your people call my people. Let's talk.

January 31, 2007 9:25 AM  
Blogger Bardouble29 said...

Nice blog, its fun to learn odd facts about our neigborhood citizens!!!!

January 31, 2007 9:29 AM  
Blogger Judy said...

You're right about Buffalo having a kinky love affair with football.

I was in the cafeteria of Buffalo General Hospital on the afternoon the O.J. Simpson verdict was announced... A huge cheer went up. I was stunned.

Later that evening I went to a sports bar with a couple of women I'd met at the Ronald McDonald House, and we experienced more of the same. Here were the three of us involved with loved ones hanging on to life by threads, and these folks were celebrating the exoneration of a murderer.

Very strange indeed.

January 31, 2007 9:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Craig, you can play drums for me anytime...

January 31, 2007 9:36 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

NO IPOD??? WHAT KIND OF FREAK ARE YOU?? (just kidding ...)

That naked swimming story was awesome. I can't believe they'd do such a thing. No, check that. I can.

And I honestly wish I could say I haven't seen American Idol. I've seen bits and pieces on pure accident.

January 31, 2007 1:26 PM  
Blogger CS said...

Oh my God. And this was a public school?

Let's ee, what else - Hate dports, love grits, totally with you on both those. Cool about the band. But you're missing out on the iPod. And Judge Judy should be shot.

January 31, 2007 9:45 PM  
Blogger whimsical brainpan said...

Ok #1 is just plain scary. I don't know how you did it.

February 01, 2007 11:24 PM  
Blogger Craig D said...

Maybe this was to get us ready for SENIOR High School, where THER WERE NO DOORS ON THE STALLS IN THE BOYS' REST ROOMS!!!!!

None! Nada!

One fellow I know went to "take a dump" and had to endure the humiliation of three guys standing around the stall APPLAUDING! He never again used the HS bathrooms.

(Hi, Roy!)

February 02, 2007 7:15 AM  

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