Raisins
Do you like raisins?You do?
Well, how nice.
You see, there are those of us who don't like raisins that have to live in your raisin-loving world.
What mass-hypnosis is at play when the phrase "plump, juicy raisins" is used to describe what are in reality dried-out, bitter, ersatz rabbit turds.
I can understand if you raisin-lovers want to eat chocolate-covered raisins. At least we sane people know that there are raisins in chocolate-covered raisins and can avoid them.
It is the stealth application of raisins that is objectionable.
"Hey, Craig, how'd you like a delicious, home-made oatmeal cookie?"
"Wow! Sure! M-m-m... oatmeal, brown sugar, butter. Let me at 'em!"
Craig takes a bite.
"BLEAAAHHH! This otherwise perfect cookie is loaded with disgusting, leathery grape corpses! Excuse me while I go eat some driveway gravel to get the taste out of my mouth."
Now substitute any of the following for the above-mentioned oatmeal cookie:
- Rice Pudding
- Sweet Roll
- Carrot Cake
- Bran Muffins
- Coffee Cake
- Anything else that would be 1,000,000% better without raisins in it
Yep, this is a cold, hostile world for a non-raisin-lover.
posted by Craig D at 7:43 PM
12 Comments:
All of those things are bad for you anyway.
The raisins are doing you a favour!
(If you don't like raisins, how do you feel about the "u" the rest of the world uses in words like favour?)
i don't mind them that much, but i've never understood why someone would put raisins in a cookie rather than choc chips.
LOL yeah they are kinda weird when you come to think of what they are...old grapes. I do like raisens though and prunes too!
craig-
you don"t like raisins?
anonymous: Where'd you get that idea?
Except for the oatmeal-raisin cookies (mmmmmm), I don't like anything on that list with or without raisins. Espepcially rice pudding (gag).
Have you ever seen "Benny and Joon"? The female character refers to raisins, which she picks out of things, as "humiliated grapes." She's your kindred spirit.
Carrot cake with raisins? That's blasphemy! I mean, I like raisins, but... eew.
egg- 'anonymous' will prolly be me since i counint member my password- scott
Ya mean you dinint write it down?
(I figgured it were you, anyways.)
OK, I'll say it...
RAISINS ARE SPOILERS!
THEY'RE SPOILERS, I TELL YOU!
Glad to see you're still raisin a ruckus over here. I've just been raisin corn and soybeans (which I bet you don't like either...).
So do currant events upset you too? These are sure craisiny times.
Wishing you and your family a wonderful (grape corpse-free) holiday season!
Wiz
UNCLE!
VOTE FOR UNCLE PURPLE
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